A little Vindication

I know i've been brief up to this point about what's been going on in my life. I've just gotten out of a 7 year relationship and started a new one. We've moved in together, amidst a storm of controversy, and my ex has given me so much grief about it. our relationship didn't end well, and we both were with other people when it was over. she has given me so much grief for moving in with my new girlfriend, and said she would never have done that to me, that she would never move in with him, that they realized how bad of a choice it would be...... it almost started to get to me... then i found this



she would have done it to me in a heartbeat if she could have. she also decided to try and be clever and told MY FAMILY about my blog and my new girlfriends ANONYMOUS blog, to make us look bad, unaware that i had been reading her awful and hurtful anonymous blog for weeks, but i had never held anything she said in it against her.... because it was ANONYMOUS.... that's the point of them... whatever. she hasn't ceased to surprise me. anytime i start to be happy and move on she makes me feel guilty.

Leave well enough alone

Why can't life be normal?  why can't everyone just let things be?  one good day is always followed by ten bad ones.  i feel like i'm running on a a treadmill....

YESTERDAY....amazing...perfect even.  trip to st aug with the new lady friend, great lunch with my entire family, great conversation there and back, no one whining about not having direction or destination, ice cream at Kilwin's, a great new album of pictures from the trip (the first pictures i've seen of myself that make me feel handsome in a long time), and dinner at my favorite restaurant ever.  

TODAY.... tears, consoling, hurting, anger, rage, angry texts, and standing in line at the clerk of courts to pay a stupid traffic ticket.  My ex managed to put together a cohesive sentence and concisely and jealously point out all of my new love's biggest insecurities and single handedly tear down everything good i had finally gotten her to believe about herself.  if there was any part of me that wasn't over her, it's gone.  who knows what tomorrow, or even 30 minutes from now will hold.

in the meantime, thanks babe, for making me believe in myself

What would someone have to pay you to.....

I asked a co-worker the other day (in case i haven't said this before, i work for apple) how much someone would have to pay him to go for one day without his iPhone.  i started asking around, and most people said it would be at least $100 (we nerds like our phones).  i don't know exactly what my price would be, i'd like to think i'm not that materialistic but i start to wonder not what it would take for me to give it up... but WHAT WOULD I DO FOR THAT 24 HOURS?  i mean, could i function?  how would people know what i'm doing?  not that i interact with very many people anyways anymore (growing up, working, divorce, adultery... you tend to lose a lot of friends that way).  so i thought i'd pose the question... what's the one thing you wouldn't want to live without for a day, and how much would it take for you to give it up for 24 hours?

In with the New

I'm not expert on new relationships.  i'm 25, and was with the same girl since i was 18.  after that long, you get comfortable.  when you fight, you know you'll work it out, you know you will get past it, you'll make up and move on, or pretend it never happened (which was what happened all too often in the relationship i just got out of).  I'm in a new relationship right now, and last night, we had what i would consider our first "real" fight.  i say real because, of course, we've had a lot of spats, like you do in with new people, but this was the kind that goes late into the night, and keeps you up all night tossing and turning.  it was different, and for the first time in ages, i didn't know that everything was going to be ok, i didn't know that i could make it all better or what to do for her.  we are both so stubborn, it was partly my fault that it started but wasn't about one thing.  as soon as we started to work one thing out, something else would come up and i started to feel more and more hopeless.  

this may sound weird, but this is one of the best things that has happened to us.  i woke up with a determination to make things better, to make her happier, to try harder.  and so has she.  we talked, we apologized... we  COMMUNICATED WITH WORDS!!!!   we resolved it like adults and it felt great.  and she has something special planned for tonight, i can't wait... i'll finish updating the rest tomorrow and tell you how it went.

My first Blog

It seems like an average Sunday afternoon.  It's been a while since I've had a day that most would consider to be "normal," so this is a weird feeling.  Strange that feeling normal can feel so uncomfortable.  Perhaps this isn't the best day to start writing a blog, maybe my creativity needs to feed off of turmoil.  I tend to put a lot of emphasis on first impressions, so I considered waiting until something really dramatic and interesting happened in my life so that this would be really interesting, so that you'd be hooked by now and hanging on my next word.... But I thought I'd take a nice slow day to formally introduce myself, make a good impression, pay attention to grammar, capitalization, and spelling and tell you who I am, but in good blog fashion I'll do it in list form.  5 boring facts about me and 5 more interesting details.  Here goes....

5 facts

1.  I was adopted when I was 7 days old in Birmingham, AL

2.  I graduated high school with a 4.1 GPA and college with a 2.6

3.  I have a useless degree from the University of Central Florida in Human Resource Management

4.  I live in downtown Orlando, FL, with my new girlfriend, after ending a marriage to the girl I was with for 7 years. (We'll be sure to get back to that story soon, I promise)

5.  Technically I'm 25, but I am pretty sure that in the last 5 months I've aged at least 5 more years. (see above)

and 5 more interesting ones

1.  Like I said before, I put a lot of pressure on first impressions, and I think that's why I always carry mints or gum, but it's also why I spontaneously make new friends in random places (I've been told its one of my best qualities ;-)

2.  I HATE capitalizing "I" when I type, and generally don't capitalize the beginning of sentences either.  I've been doing it in the spirit of first impressions, but it stops right..... NOW!!!!!

3.  i have recently started thinking for myself a lot more.  i realized that i have to make my own decisions, that i can't let other people and their expectations make choices for me.  it's sad that it took 25 years for me to realize that, but it's very liberating.  people are going to be disappointed, others will stand by you, and although it doesn't justify making selfish choices or being an asshole, sometimes you have to do what's best for you.

4.  i love learning everything that i can about the things that fascinate me.  wine, cigars, cheese, photography, music, computers, cars, movies and on and on.... i throw myself into things, and admittedly sometimes get tired of them like a kid that gets tired of an old toy, but i love pulling the old toy out of the closet and surprising people with intelligent conversation about something they never expected i knew anything about.  i store random knowledge and numbers in my head like a giant vault, and pull it out at when you least expect it (perhaps another reason i make random friends)

5.  i just realized i like blogging... nice to meet you!